In Memory of Pets

Jake, my beloved Yellow lab of 9.5 years, succumbed to lymphoma that traveled to his bone marrow, at 12 midnight last night. He passed away in my arms. I tried both conventional and holistic treatments and traveled along the eastern seaboard to try and save his life, but I failed. I'm also a veterinarian and the pain from his loss is immense, and as I write this, my heart is breaking. Earlier in the day I tendered my resignation at the hospital because the heartbreak is so overwhelming, it's more than I can stand. My employer is upset and asked that I rethink this, but my family is upset and said I need to continue what I'm doing, but Jake's passing has taken much out of me. I'd appreciate any words of encouragement to help me get through this. Right now I just want to lay in a corner and die, such is my grief.

Dear dear vet-med.

I understand the sheer torment of your loss. Your Jake knew that you did everything for him, but as everyone here knows, the greatest, strongest and purest love cannot protect our beloved friends from that final battle for life.

However the soul and the love itself are an entirely different matter! Jake is part of your soul and he will travel in your heart no matter where you go... I can hear the intens pain you are experienceing in your post. He was your love, that is clear to see, he wouldn't want you to give up on everything, certainly he would want you to go on - to be able to reach out and care for others...

Your Jake knew you are special, a person who can bring such love to their furkid can extend their compassion to others - that is one reason that this site is like a godsend - as the compassion that you will recieve here will flow over you like a calming salve... please come here as often as you need, whenever you want - the people here have a kindness that helped me through my darkest days when I lost my Little Black Cat Sammy to CRF back in December 2005... without their help and the inspiration that they gave me to get involved in animals rescue - well - I believe I would have continued a very slippery plunge into a very deep blackness .... many of us have been thre - sad and lonely adn just burdened with an overwhelming greif..

Because we have been there - we want to be able to help you, who better to lead one out of the darkness than one who has been shown the way as well?

I would hope that you reconsider leaving your job for good - as anyone who feels this deeply about a furkid is the best vet I could ever hope for... it is a calling and a gift to have such love and to be able to have compassion for your patients and their carers too...

Perhaps have some time off - ask your boss to get a locum for a while and take a little time out to set your mind and heart to the task of healing... now it is your time to get well, you will have been so exhausted in the fight to have Jake survive, to have been a full time carer to him, to have then lost your best friend... well all of this will have left you so weak and destroyed... you deserve the time to take stock and take some time to heal - but just don't walk away...please .... I am sure Jake wouldn't want that either!

Anyway - whatever you decide... know that I am thinking and praying for both you and your dear sweet Jake,

Take care,

Kerry

Dear Vet med,

My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain and sorrow...and I echo Kerry's words above...you have come to what I regard as a very powerful and healing website filled with loving and compassionate people who have lost their precious fur baby and have that eternal bond of love.

My brother is a veternarian in Morro Bay CA, and he has gone through what you just experienced and he actually took 3 weeks of leave from the vet clinic because he needed to get away and heal...you are a very special veternarian, just like my brother, and you have done many good things for folks who come to you for help with their furbabies and who will continue to seek your talents and knowedge and compassion.

Please know we are all here for you, as folks have been here for me in my hour of need after losing Felix, our cat, to Triad Syndrome 6 mos ago...may you be bathed in lots of white light of healing and love.

Sincerely,
Mary

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Mary Quinn

Dear vet-med,

I truly sympathize for your loss of Jake. Your pain and grief is understood completely. This site is a place for comfort and healing. You have come to the right place.

My black Lab, Jaycee, passed away over three years ago. He was with me for 11 beautiful, but short, years. He had liver cancer. I was also trying holistic and the conventional treatments. Jaycee fought so hard to live, but lost the fight and passed away right next to me in our sleep. I can honestly tell you that the sadness and loneliness I felt was truly unbearable and was like nothing I had ever endured in my life. I didn't think I would ever recover, but I did. It was a slow process, but eventually life became easier. I had a very difficult time dealing with his death, and I still do grieve for him, but now I can think of him without tears (although there are some days that really get to me).

I echo what Kerry wrote. We have been there and who better than us to show one out of the darkness. There will be many here who can do that.

You and your beloved Jake are in my thoughts and prayers.

Connie
Jaycee's mom

Dear Vet Med Doc:
We are so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Jake. You have come to the right place, though. This site has been a blessing to many of us here because we've all lost our beloved furbabies. We understand how you are feeling. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Please try to rethink your decision to hand in your resignation at the clinic where you work. Your grief is so great because, being a vet, you are probably thinking that you should have been able to do something to stop this from happening. Unfortunately, there isn't anything that you could have done to change the way things happened. Unfortunately, it was Jake's time to join our Lord, and there is nothing that can be done to postpone it from happening. I'm sure that Jake wouldn't want you to leave such a rewarding profession. You are a very special person, and Jake knows how much love and caring you have for other furbabies.

Please keep us informed as to how things are going.

In love and friendship,
Pat and Steve

dear med vet I am truly sorry for your loss. I do understand your grief well since we lost our Westie Abby 19 months ago. The grief is still unbearable at times for me. Jake does know you did every thing humanely possible for him & I know in his heart he is greatful to you for that. Always remember the good times with Jake.

Vetmed-doc, I'm am sorry about your dog Jake. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care and go easy on yourself. You did your best to help him snd I'm sure he knows that. Gwen

You've all touched me deeply with your heartfelt words. This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. Everything is an effort and it's hard to fathom getting through the ensuing days without Jake. On Tuesday, a group of us are going to Abbey Glen Pet Memorial Park. We will be viewing him for a half hour then he will be cremated and right afterwards they will be giving me his remains in an oak urn with his photo. The tears come and go, and even the simplest things take a Herculean effort on my part. I have been reading all your posts frequently and the caring you've all shown helps more than you can imagine. I also have two Black Labs and a cat, and Theo and Buddy have been wandering around the house looking for Jake. Watching that just compounds the pain. Forgive the brevity of this post, I just can't write any more at the moment.

Dear vet med_doc: I'am so sorry for your loss of your beloved Jake. I know , as everyone on this site knows what heartache you are going thru. I lost my beloved Lakota in Jan 06 from kidney failure, She showed no signs until the morning before I had to make that fateful decision to end her precious life. She was my rock for 14 short years and there are still days that are horrible for me, I guess we don't think about them dying when they act so healthy one minute and gone the next, but I Had to make the decision as she was in pain and I told my vet, I'd even remortgage my house if there was ANYTHING that could be done to keep her alive with a quality of life, it ended up I had about 10 minutes with her, and I know I made the right decision but its just so damn lonely without her, even my other animals can't fill the void she left in my life or the pawprints on my heart, I'am sure being a vet you did EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE to save Jake, and I'am also sure that Jake knew you are a special person with special talents to help all forms of other furbabies and he would want you to continue saving the lives of those that you can, The most important thing is YOU TRIED and he knows that, I'am sorry for such a long post,But you'll feel better when you get to bring Jakes ashes home too, Now he'll be with you wherever you go and will watch over you and he is now young and healthy again playing with all of our furbabies at rainbow bridge. God bless you and your best guy Jake, you are both in my thoughts and prayers, remember the good times and try to smile when you think of him. Cindy Lakota's mom.

Dear Vet Med Doc, I'm so sorry for your loss of Jake. I know you are hurting now, but it's evident that as a Veterinarian, you did everything humanly possibly to save him. Take comfort in knowing that there are people here who understand the pain of loosing a beloved pet, & we all are here for you anytime you need us. May God bless & comfort you during this time.

I lost Dash , my 12 year old Springer to Lymphoma, in May, and I felt everything you are feeling. It's both physical and mental. I was unable to function the first week. It's been a week since I broke out in tears. That's the longest stretch yet. People don't understand what you're going through. I even had a shrink who needed a wake up call . He told me "its grief, you just have to deal with it". So I called up his office a week later after not being able to function and asked for a referral to a someone who was experienced in these matters. I have a one man business and I didn't have the finances to shut it down. If I did, I would have.

I'm telling you this so you know that you are no stranger to that kind of pain. It comes in waves and it's relentless...but...it will slowly fade. How fast really depends on you. I took some meds. I had to. It got me through the day.

Two weeks ago, I adopted a rescue dog. It was too early, but they don't get to pick a time when they get abandoned. He's just a pup and I'm going through all the things that I went through with Dash. The first few days with him just broke me down again. The pain was back with a vengeance. But I stuck it out and very slowly we are starting to bond. He sleeps with me and he takes my mind off how shitty life is without Dash. I'm still taking meds. I talk to Dash everyday. I have a big image of him in my living room. I asked him if it would be OK If Caesar could use his leash.

It sounds strange, but it helps me. I guess my main point is; do what you have to do to get through it. People still have a hard time believing that we mourn the loss of these guys more than we do some humans, so it's really difficult to get business acquaintances and family to understand.

I find it sometimes helps when I ask them to imagine how they would feel if their child had just died. Would they be right back into their routines again? So take the time you need. I sometimes say to myself "Damn those were the best 12 years of my life and I didn't realize it until I found Dash dead on my living room floor". But life goes on. They would want us to get on with it and not let their passing be anything but a reminder that we were very very lucky and when it's right, to get on with our lives.

Cry your eyes out when you want and need to and never be ashamed of the grief. It's part of life.

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Don Burnstein

Hello everyone:

Regrettably, this will be a brief post because this has taken its toll with physical manifestations, i.e. raging migraines and a return of psoriasis on my elbow because of the stress. I have an appointment Tuesday morning with a psychologist because this is paralyzing me. Other than taking care of my pets, I just lost the will to do everything. My next post will be more at length when my thoughts are cohesive but I did want to let everyone know I did a Tribute page to Jake and posted his photo.

With the kindest regards,
vetmed_doc

Hi Vet-Med Doc,

I am so glad that you have come back to let us know how you are, to let us know how you are feeling... we are very interested in you and how you are doing.

So often we can feel alone in our pain, but as is often said, a trouble shared is a trouble halved - well, not quite in this case, but at least the burden of the pain can be eased and comfort can be given with words of gentle caring and the knowledge that our furfaces are still so very very close, held in our hearts and in our minds and yes - even in our hopes!

We are here for you, let us all know how things are progressing for you... you and Jake remain in my thoughts and prayers!

Take care!

Kerry

Dear Don and VetMed,

Yes, it truly is very painful in the mind and body and soul to lose our beloved furbabies and I want to echo everything Don said in his post and for VetMed, I am praying for you and hope you feel better--physical pain only makes the pain in our hearts and soul worse, so I sincerely send to you lots of white healing light, my friend.

Don, we are getting 2 kittens and we met them the other day and feel as you do about Dash...we still hurt over Felix's passing, because all we have is his 24/7 lit Memorial, oak box of ashes, photos, but, he will live in our hearts always and we recently discovered that we can love our kittens too, but there is a lingering sadness that we are processing so thanks for your post, you expressed your feelings very eloquently.

May God Bless all of us here at this website!

Mary

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Mary Quinn

Mary,

I was wondering what to do with Dash's Oak Box. Then I put in my will that he'll be buried with me. That gave me a great deal of comfort for some reason.

I'm not religeous , but I think when these little guys bond with us they are really touching our souls. When they leave us, they take that little bit with them and that's what causes so much pain.

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Don Burnstein