In Memory of Pets

Hi Don,
I agree with what you said...I am not very religious either, I am more spiritual in my beliefs of the Divine....we plan to take Felix's oak box of ashes with us wherever we go, to include and when we go to the other side, and, yes, our souls will forever be connected and I know Felix I will be there ar the bridge, along with whoever else we have connected souls with, be it new pets or close relatives..

Take Care of yourself,

Mary

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Mary Quinn

Hi everyone:

A week from today a group of us are going to Abbey Glen to view Jake and then he will be cremated and his remains given to me in an oak urn. I'm afraid to face next Wednesday and see my dog like that. It's all that I can think of and it's driving me crazy to the point I'm getting up in the middle of the night. I was looking at Jake's puppy photos earlier and it was like a floodgate of tears. His bed, toys, bowls, everything I packed away. The nights are the most difficult, though. I lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, my thoughts of him and his silly antics. Sometimes I smile amidst the tears, but when the emptiness returns so do the tears. I'm trying my best to keep occupied but it's a major effort. I just wonder how long I'm going to feel like I don't give a damn about anything.....

Yours,
vetmed

Dear VetMed,

I will try to answer your question about how long you are going to feel as you do....when I read your post, I had flashbacks of felix's passing and the ensuing 3 week time period after his passing...as you, I looked at his photos, we gave away Felix's condos, toys, medicines, bowls, because we could not stand the pain of his belongings in our condo. We did keep a photo on our computer desktop, and it will remain; we did matt and frame photos of him and placed in our hallway, and, when we received the Oak Box with his ashes, we built a memorial with an eternal light shining over it. All of these things "helped" us process what had happened to Felix and it helped us try to understand why this had to be. We too, cried and had difficulty sleeping...what did comfort us was in those first 6 to 8 weeks, we heard his distinct Meow, we heard him crunching his food in the kitchen, and we each saw him twice in the condo, he came to us in our dreams, and, like you, looking at his photos from his birth date of 12 Nov 1995 in Honolulu Hawaii to his passing on 2 Feb 06 here in the Wash DC area, I felt him come alive in those photos, and in those minutes I was looking at his photos, the sun shone brighter, and the condo was filled with light of healing. These are the things that got us through those simply awful first weeks. My brother, also a veternarian like yourself, told me that his clients reported to him that their intense grief lasts about 3 weeks to 6 weeks, it varies, then one continues to ascend through the rest of the grief process until at some point (because it varies for all of us) one knows they have reached the level of acceptance. I can tell you 2 Sept 06 will mark 7 months of Felix's passing and though we have met and love dearly and will bring home 2 kittens on 28 Oct, my heart does hurt for Felix--the pain is not as sharp, and I do not cry every day, but my heart still hurts and I do cry every so often--I hope this missive to you helps...it comes from my heart and I send it to you with lots of love and healing energy to your heart.

I will be thinking of you next week at the memorial.

Mary

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Mary Quinn

Hello Vet-Med,

I visited your tribute and it is so loving.

My attempt at answering the question is that the intensity of this mourning will over time, change to a more tolerable level.

As time passes, you will find that you will love as much as ever, you will miss your Jake, but you will accept that he will be waiting for you, this I am sure that this knowledge will help you as it has helped me!

I can tell you that by shifting the focus of your pain into good works, whether this is with humans or animals it may help. (I do animal rescue and help a group of other rescuers, I do a bit of pet transprt , including taxing neighbours pets to the vets for regular check ups etc - for those who have no transport -this helpd both the companions, fury & fleshtone!)

I also have taken in my own little rescues, I have kept 3 as indoor kitties, I have 3 outdoor 'regulars', strays that I feed and hope to home in a safe yard, adn i have fostered and re-homed several others...all of which I have found very helpful during the greiving process.

I want you to know that the unbearable does become bearable adn the intolerable does become tolerable.... but of course it takes time...

And we are here and ready to support you with this process when you need us!

Take care,

Kerry

I remember it took me three weeks to pick up Dash's Oak Box. This week I finally got the last of the reimbursements from Dash's health Insurance company. I had a hard time opening the envelopes. Still haven't deposited the checks.

Everything that you are going through I was going through. I used meds to get to sleep at night, but night time is still hard for me. I haven't read a book or seen a movie without shutting it down before it's done since May.

I've focused on work - the harder the better- Three and - half months later I can can go through a day fairly well. At first if the day was frustrating, I would break down. That's slowly passed, although I still get down a lot. I 'm a sign maker- digital mostly. So I made a large image of Dash in my Living room. I work out of my house. Every day I pass his image 10 or 20 times. I usually say "hey bud".

When Caesar acts up , I ask Dash to help. It helps me for some reason.

Your hurting as bad, if not worse than I was. I talked to a lot of friends those first few weeks. This is also a good time to get with your family. My nephew and I finally started talking after three years. I know Dash was there to start that if not in spirit but in the love that he left behind.

They do that, they teach us what the true meaning of love is and for that we should all be grateful. It will pass. Life will start to get back to normal and you'll even feel guilty about that. But while your in pain, do what you have to do to get through each day. Don't let your job go. I imagine working with other dogs and cats will be very painful. But maybe...just maybe ...if you can make their pain go away then maybe some of your pain will go with it.

Something to thing about.

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Don Burnstein

it is comforting to read everyone's stories - I think our pet's love is sometimes better than human love. It has no arguments, tiffs, insults etc. that we humans often throw on one another. I do feel as if I've lost a child - and I want to adopt another so bad just to fill the gaping hole in my heart - maybe it's too soon, but I don't know how else to pick up the pieces and go on. But having a mix breed seems to make it harder to find close to what I had before, and of course never the same personality as my Murphy.[/img][/list]

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Murphy Angel's Mom