A week from today a group of us are going to Abbey Glen to view Jake and then he will be cremated and his remains given to me in an oak urn. I'm afraid to face next Wednesday and see my dog like that. It's all that I can think of and it's driving me crazy to the point I'm getting up in the middle of the night. I was looking at Jake's puppy photos earlier and it was like a floodgate of tears. His bed, toys, bowls, everything I packed away. The nights are the most difficult, though. I lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, my thoughts of him and his silly antics. Sometimes I smile amidst the tears, but when the emptiness returns so do the tears. I'm trying my best to keep occupied but it's a major effort. I just wonder how long I'm going to feel like I don't give a damn about anything.....
I remember it took me three weeks to pick up Dash's Oak Box. This week I finally got the last of the reimbursements from Dash's health Insurance company. I had a hard time opening the envelopes. Still haven't deposited the checks.
Everything that you are going through I was going through. I used meds to get to sleep at night, but night time is still hard for me. I haven't read a book or seen a movie without shutting it down before it's done since May.
I've focused on work - the harder the better- Three and - half months later I can can go through a day fairly well. At first if the day was frustrating, I would break down. That's slowly passed, although I still get down a lot. I 'm a sign maker- digital mostly. So I made a large image of Dash in my Living room. I work out of my house. Every day I pass his image 10 or 20 times. I usually say "hey bud".
When Caesar acts up , I ask Dash to help. It helps me for some reason.
Your hurting as bad, if not worse than I was. I talked to a lot of friends those first few weeks. This is also a good time to get with your family. My nephew and I finally started talking after three years. I know Dash was there to start that if not in spirit but in the love that he left behind.
They do that, they teach us what the true meaning of love is and for that we should all be grateful. It will pass. Life will start to get back to normal and you'll even feel guilty about that. But while your in pain, do what you have to do to get through each day. Don't let your job go. I imagine working with other dogs and cats will be very painful. But maybe...just maybe ...if you can make their pain go away then maybe some of your pain will go with it.
Something to thing about.