Memories of Lily
Posted By: Kelly
Date: Wednesday, 18 June 2003, at 11:21 p.m.
I have memories of Lily and I, but not the warm, pleasant kind that bring comfort. A couple of weeks before I knew Lily's prognosis, before knew she had only weeks to live, Lily and I went for one of our early morning walks. I never minded taking her out at night as she had "accidents" all her short life. I was told it was spay incontinence. The twilight was beautiful, so quiet. I thought "this is perfect, this is heaven" I didn't want another soul in the world, just us. I was so happy. Now the memory of that dawn doesn't bring me anything but pain and despair. I cry all the time but especially when I think how happy I was just walking my best friend. Not too much to ask from life. I don't really want to stop having these memories though. I'm afraid that if I stop grieving for Lily May I will lose her altogether, she'll be gone from my life. I'm afraid that I'll just "get on with my life" and leave her behind. It seems that my grief is all I have left of her. Everyone keeps telling me to hold on to happy memories, but they were only happy while they were happening, unbearable now that they're gone. Is it just self-pity?
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